[Above, Timmy W., Rob Liefeld's latest character, Deathpanel.]

Now that I’ve finally finished eliminating the Kennedy family, it’s back to writing drivel about comics! [The "eliminations" expressed here are those of Timmy Williams only and do not necessarily reflect the eliminations of the Daily Cross Hatch or its subsidiaries--Ed.]

Meth Nerds!*

Well, somebody finally found a practical use for comic books!  I have a closet full of back issues, now I guess it’s time to fill my bathtub with something too!** Doesn’t this seem too complicated?  Why not just get an accountant?  Then you can spend all that time saved digging through back issue bins on your other hobby: MAKING DRUGS FROM COW SHIT IN A TRAILER!

Dickhead Is Dickhead To Dickhead

Now, I hate Rob Liefeld’s work.  I think it sucks.  But you shouldn’t do this.  One of this planet’s biggest problems is people devoting time to being an asshole and pissing people off rather than curing AIDS or giving little kids hamburgers.  Fuck this guy.  We should force him to get an optic surgery that makes everything he sees be impossibly angular and cartoonishly disproportionate.  That would be fair, right?

World Continues March Towards Becoming One Huge Company

I had to really restrain myself from just typing “HORSESHIT!” over and over for this paragraph.  I mean, who doesn’t want to see Goofy fight Wolverine, but whenever one huge company gets bought by an even huger*** company, an angel dies.  Or something.

I mean, I know that there’s only about five different companies on the planet, but I really enjoy the illusion that we exist in a free society fueled by competition and not in some kind of dystopian oligarchy ruled by fucking Pepsi.  The truth is, we all probably have UV ink tattoos of that blue and red ying yang in our skin and some day they’ll activate the nanomachines in our skin and BOOM!  takeover!

This seriously bummed me out!  I would say we should ask Obama for help, but he’s probably busy doing motion-capturing for “Obama: The Video Game” or something.

You know what though?  Disney also owns the Muppets, so now I can finally pitch my script Kermit/Hulk: It’s Not Easy!

*It should be noted that another link on the Daily News website mentions a “Passanger.”  Good job, New York.