I just wanted to start with that.  Sorry.

Actually, before we get into comics, I do have one thought about this: wouldn’t it be nice if all murderers looked like this?  It’d make the wheels of justice move waaaay more smoothly*.

Okay.  Onwards and upwards.

Stan Lee Has Terrible Idea(s)
I honestly gagged when I read this.  I always hoped this guy would retire gracefully, but unfortunately it looks like he’s following the Mick Jagger School Of Aging and is just gonna keep making garbage until he dies.

And does “POW!” really have to stand for something?  “Purveyors Of Wonder” sound like a publisher of stuff that ends up on Pete Townshend’s computer, know what I mean?

Somebody Push The Big Red “Armageddon” Button

Pete Wentz, that guy who showed his dick one time from the band Fallout Boy, has decided to copy Gerard Way.  Now, being that I was totally skeptical when Way entered comics but now think he’s amazing, maybe I should give this idiot the same leeway.  That being said, no matter whose idea this was, ain’t no way I’m ever reading a comic about a girl who runs a toy factory.  What’s his demographic, Barbie dolls?

Webcomics

So I’m continuing my webcomic education this week.  I actually found an obsessively comprehensive list at The Webcomic List.  They link to tons of different comics in many different genres, and yes I did click on “Furry Comics.”  It’s mostly just strips of cartoon foxes talking to eachother, but then I didn’t dig too deep.  The last thing I need is the image of a cartoon bear porking a cartoon duck burned into my retinas/saved on my hard drive.

This piece of sloppy immature brilliance caught my eye like nothing else this week.  It’s like psychoanalysis with crayons.  It looks like it was produced a few years ago and then abandoned but has that certain internet je nais se quois about it.   Breathtaking.  Bravo, “Buffalo Horse**.”

Everything I’ve found so far has been humor strips, or more accurately, “attempt at humor strips.”  I wanted to find something that wasn’t even trying to be funny and luckily, I stumbled upon Agitainment! Now, I think the simplicity in the art of most online comics (or the genius/retarded ransom-note style of that Lois and Clark thing) is charming, but isn’t it nice to see some classic, detail-oriented art out there?  And the stories are cool and old-timey, like they were ripped right out of that weird 50s comic I found behind some wood paneling in the old house on Park Street.****  Next I want to find something dramatic that’s not done well so I can openly mock it and drive the artist away from his chosen craft.  Because I’m a douchebag.

To properly bookend this week’s column, I Google Image Searched “Alan Moore mug shot” and this was the first result…

Why is he wet?

*Actually, let me tie this into comics real quick.  Look at that picture.  Does that scream “THE VULTURE” to anyone else?  Too bad ol’ Phil’s gonna be busy for a while.
**I’m assuming this is a pseudonym someone made up for anonymity’s sake and that this strip wasn’t designed by a Lakota war chief.***
***Wouldn’t that be AWESOME?
****Remember that?  I think it was the same day our goldfish Garfield (of the goldfish pair “Simon and Garfield”) died from overexposure to chocolate chip.