[Above, L-R: Batman, Timmy Williams?, Batman.]

THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR!!!
Really?  Really?  REALLY?  First off, that dog is actually kind of ugly.  I mean it.  I know Bo was a gift from Ted Kennedy so there’s that whole “beer goggles” rule in effect, but come on.  If you’re going to shove your whole family down our throats 24/7, including the dog, at least make it easy to swallow.  Bo Obama looks like a baby disguising itself as a puppy.
And as the headline states, this whole “Obama Comics” thing is totally out of control.  I hope next up is a Malia and Sasha comic written by Garth Ennis*. And four bucks?  Shouldn’t propaganda be free?

More Great Comics That I’ll Never Be Able To Find Are On The Way

I LOVE the Muppets.  Love ‘em!  Whenever someone asks me about my influences, those fellas are always at the top of the list!  And the Electric Mayhem is honestly a great band!  I tried to figure out a way to squeeze “Can You Picture That?” into the playlist for my wedding last week**, but I just couldn’t.  Rubber foam and nuptials just don’t mix.  Maybe for the honeymoon.***
So yeah, I ‘m a big Muppets guy and have heard these new comics are brilliant but I can never find the damn things!  Why aren’t there more copies?  Do they print it on unicorn feathers?
Well, whether or not I ever get to read them, I hope they eventually feature Sweetums in his (her?) own comic.  Sweetums is one of those “guy in a suit” Muppets.  Whenever I saw one of those big things running around on the show or in the movies, I always felt bad for the actor inside.  Then as I got older I realized how high every person involved with the Muppets is and figured that the person piloting Sweetums is probably tripping their balls (boobs?) off and is getting paid for something they’d probably be doing in their free time anyways.
Boring Comic To Become More Boring


So apparently Archie and friends are old enough to get married now.  I thought they were all still in high school or something?  So what is the comic about now?  Do they have jobs and stuff?  I would love to read panel after panel of Jughead sitting in a cubicle.  And then dip my head in lava.
There’s a whole section in that article talking about what kind of person you are depending on whether you go for Betty or Veronica.  I vote Betty all the way which apparently means I’m a square or something.   Veronica is a jerk!  Why did he choose her?  I sincerely hope the next issue has Archie waking up and taking a shower and thinking “Christ, what a nightmare!  I would never marry that bitch!”  Maybe send the Archie writers on a Morrison-style**** drug binge and have them come up with some 8-issue bullshit psychedelic nonsense-ride to wipe the slate clean!  I never thought I’d be demanding a ret-con for Archie, but the world’s a twisted place.
Remember when they made them all weird and “realistic?”

He should have gone with Moose.


REVIEW: UMBRELLA ACADEMY: DALLAS #6


So I know I referenced how shitty Grant Morrison’s confusion can be some times, and I meant it, but Gerard Way has a way of being perplexing but satisfying at the same time.  His work does reference Morrison’s hey-day but also puts his own spin on it, and I don’t think he’d ever be stupid enough to kill Batman.  He does charm the ladies when he plays with KISS*****, so maybe that charisma comes into play here too and I’m just being swooned into loving this?  I don’t know.  I just know I loved the ending and can’t wait to see how things go in the third series.  Any series featuring killing-machine children, goldfish cyborgs and Vietnam has to be pretty good, right?  All in all, this issue is very confusing but in a good way.  It’s fun confusing.  ConFUNsing?  Does that work?

*That would actually be amazing.
**I got married, by the way.
***Wink.
****Jim or Grant, whichever.
*****Or whatever band that is.