Next Week’s Is Funny With Timmy Williams 5/17/09

Categories:  Next Week's Is Funny


[Above, Timmy Q. Williams, open-letter writer.]

An Open Letter to Alan Moore:

Dearest, dearest Alan,

I know you hate it when people talk about your books, read your books, or even look at pictures of the covers of your books on the Internet, so let me apologize in advance for discussing The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Century: 1910: The Book.  What you probably want to do is just write something, have the artist illustrate it, and then lock it away inside an indestructible canister and bury it thousands of miles below the surface of the earth, so that future alien civilizations can use your art to learn about our society.*

But you know what?  You’re a great writer and deserve discussion of your works whether you think so or not, you old grump!  So go play with your skulls in England or whatever.

I’m kidding buddy!  You’re allowed to be grumpy about how much the movies made of your books are terrible garbage, it’s true!  And I’m just glad you’re still writing because this new League book is great!  You dial up the mystery and dial down the action and it works as a great suspense story.  And even though the future of Quartermain and Mina’s relationship has been revealed in The Black Dossier, you still make her fling with “Alan Jr.” nice and creepy.  And the guy-that’s-not-you’s art is just amazing!  He has this great way of mixing realism and cartooniness and gore.  The art in this kind of reminded me of that one book you’re REALLY famous for, the one they just made into a movie with more boobs.  What is it?  Clock Team?

I gotta say though, you know way too much about old literature, sir.  Who the hell is A.J. Raffles?  I looked him up, and it was a real character, invented by the brother-in-law of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  And I appreciate your attention to detail, even when finding old characters to include, but maybe Cookie Monster** or Jesus or someone more well-known should be in the next one.  Just sayin’.

All in all, this was a real treat, Alan. And in this day and age of publishers slipping $3.99 price tags onto 22-page toy ads***, the fact that your quite lengthy book was only eight bucks is very appreciated.  Good job!

Timothy Q. Williams****

P.S.  Maybe if they let you star in the movies based on your books, would you be more okay with them?  I would really like to see that.

*From which they’ll learn that we’re obsessed with the idea of iconic literary characters fucking each other.
**I would pay a trillion dollars to see Cookie Monster in the next League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comic.
***Toy ads that I still read, by the way.
****My middle initial has been changed to protect anonymity.