[Pictured: The trouble with Timmies.]

Pretty Man Starts Comic Book
Look at the guy on the cover…how much you wanna bet he looks like a certain Transformers star* under that really inventive mask that is totally different from hundreds of other characters’ masks?  I think there should be a publisher called Celebrity Comics and every famous person that comes up with some horse-shit comic series has to print it under there, so we can all be warded off by the logo, which should look like a big cancel sign or will maybe just be a big capital “NO!.”  Maybe I’ll take a week some time and read this, Rosario Dawson’s comic, the one Nic Cage wrote with his son, and the one that guy from Heroes made, then shoot myself in the face.
Not Pretty Man Starts Comic Book
Now here’s a celebrity comic I can get behind!  Man, I read all that TekWar stuff when I was a librarian.  My boss back then loved it too, because I always saw him drinking tons of coffee, and then whenever a new TekWar came out I would open it up and it would reek of Folger’s.  That must be a perk of being the Head Librarian in the Middle of Nowhere in South Dakota: you get to read silly sci-fi books by retired space captains before your nerdy underlings.  Really though, this is just one more in a long line of awesome life choices Shatner has made, just look:

Crooner

Sexy Cop

Sexy Shill

Murder Disguise
He’s the best!

Why Do I Actually Think This is a Good Idea?

Am I getting old?  Disconnected?  Disenfranchised?  Disassociated?  Dis-anything?  Or have I just been smitten by this Peter-Pan-looking little trollop?  It sounds like Rock Johnson** is going to play Race Bannon.  I can agree with that, but I really really want him to have blonde hair, and The Dwayne*** would look ridiculous (RIDICULOUS!) with blonde hair.
When I started writing this column, I created Google Alerts for “Cartoon” and “Cartoonist” and the only news I ever get from those alerts is about political cartoons enraging entire countries.  Now, of course it is silly that huge sections of the world still get offended by jokes (it’s in a cartoon, sillies!), but c’mon cartoonists.  Are you just trying to stir shit up?  I mean, that monkey one wasn’t even funny****.  Maybe these guys have been hired by the Illuminati or the Bilderberg Group to cause global rioting.  Yeah, that’s probably it.

And now, a bunch of different things that might become weekly features or maybe I just like giving things titles:
Comic Shop Shout-Out:
Trade-A-Tape Comic Center, Lincoln, NE
Was in Nebraska this week and found a cool store right down the street from my hotel!  I have absolutely no idea what the name means, but when I walked in I was greeted by two HUGE cats!  I then realized that the window display is actually a bunch of comics standing on one of those huge cat apartment things!  Awesome!  And Crazy!  And Crazy Awesome!
Title I Wish Was Indie So I Could Talk About It: Captain America
Completely Unrelated Picture*****:

*And, apparently, a “media mastermind” (duh).
**Why hasn’t he changed his name to this yet?
***Or this?
****It wasn’t.
*****As if any of this bullshit relates to anything.